Yesterday was a day when Lee was able to meet another benchmark! He spent the entire day, on a boat , between the waterway, the Cape Fear river, and the ocean! Our neighbor, Ted, has a good fishing boat with all the necessary gear. He, along with another fisherman from Oak Island, invited Lee to spend the day with them. Lee had been feeling so good, that he decided he could do this.
So it was, that early Tuesday morning, I fixed him a full breakfast of bacon, eggs, biscuits, packed his lunch and all medication, loaded him with sunscreen and bid him farewell for his adventurous day ahead. I have to admit that it was with trepidation that I experienced his leaving and being in the sun all day. I could not remove the thoughts such as: Will he remember his medication? Will he find shelter from the sun? Will he remember to use extra sunscreen?
You are probably wondering why those thoughts were any concern for me. That is part of being a caregiver. This has been something that I was not prepared for. When you become a caregiver for your loved one, your role expands beyond that of marital partners to include those of nurse, mother, guide, advocate, decision maker, etc. What happens is the shifting of responsibilities from one partner to another. Sometimes it is gradual, but in our case, it was rapid. Even though it was a quick transition, for me, I was slow in realizing the shift of all the responsibility. Now I am trying to change the tide of the shift back to Lee. Once again, we both have to establish the trust for each other that we had before his illness. It is coming back and Lee has once again become the person in charge of those areas he once dominated. I, however, must now learn to move out of the "Mothering" role and let him go. This, of course, is happening....it is only still there in my emotional challenges.
I share this with you in hopes that I may somehow help other caregivers along the way. I was not prepared for those emotional challenges I mentioned. In a sense, a caregiver, along with the person being cared for, must relinquish former identities, and assume those that have now become an inevitable force in ther lives. The days now become focused on the immediate care involving the situation at hand. There is no time to mourn for roles that no longer exist. Catastropic illness thrusts you forward into a lifestyle that only weeks before would have been totally alien to you. Our return to former life roles has been gradual, but the good thing is that it continues to return. His fishing day was a huge step forward in that positive direction.
When Lee returned around 4:00 from his fishing trip, I had good news for him from Duke. He does NOT have any rejection. Our transplant coordinator was delighted to learn that he had spent the day fishing! We will return on Nov. 30th for another bronch to see if the fungus is completely cleared. Today, Lee wants to go to a nursery to look for some trees......so we will be exploring today..............as you can see.....most of our previous roles and identies have returned..........we're.......back to where we were.
More Later.....................................brenda
More Later.................................................Brenda
So glad to hear Lee is out of rejection and "into fishing!" I think fishing is much better, but we're comparing apples and oranges I suppose! The care giving role ebbs and flows like the tides, but is never really gone. So glad Lee is enjoying some independence that should come with improved health and strength. And now you can go shopping more!
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