Another First!

On this lovely Spring day, March 30,  Lee was able to do something he has longed to do for a long time.  In fact, it has been about two and one-half years since he has climbed onto a tractor. Even though all of his farm equipment has been sold and the sheds are standing lonely and empty, he held onto his two favorite tractors.  He kept the first and the last ones he bought.  All the others have been sold.

He left the house shortly after breakfast and informed me that he was going to use his tractor to load something onto his truck.  I, being always the "watch-dog", inquired if anyone would be helping him.  No, he said, I can do this by myself!  I turned away and forbid myself to utter another word!  I reminded myself, that my time as caregiver must include being able to remember when to "let him go". 

A short time later, I heard the sound of the tractor and I stood at one of the windows in the sunroom to watch him as he came from the barn area toward the backyard.  My vision was somewhat obscured by my tears of gratefullness as I watched him drive by his garage and turn right into the lower pasture.  I knew he was enjoying his ride immensely.  I continued on with my work of laundry and usual house work and noticed that his best friend, Hewitt had arrived.  I could relax....now he had help if needed.

I suppose that is what happens when you become a care-giver for an extended period of time.  There are confusing emotions that are filled with ambivilence......Yes, let it go, or No, I need to sheild him from harm.  It is a daily concern that never leaves my thoughts.  There is a part of me that pushes for his freedom from the confines that his disease has bestowed upon him, however, there is also the selfish part of me that wants to keep him well, and with me for as long as I can.

I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that whatever happens in the future is not mine to control, and most of all, Lee must have a happy and satisfiying life.  That includes being able to do the things he loves!

More Later.........................Brenda

and we cough.........

It seems like these days are filled with coughing from both of us!  I am recovering from a virus that seemed determined to attack my throat and all my cough reflexes.  Lee, on the other hand, is still dealing with this persistant cough.  Even though he has had many bronchoscopies, and he has been seen by a host of pulmonary post-lung transplant specialists at Duke, the cough continues to be baffling.  In the beginning, it was attributed to an infection, then it was attributed to a fungus, then to rejection.  Each time after the treatment, the cough would subside for a short period of time only to resume again.  The last tine we presented the "cough" for discussion, Lee was told that the cough may be coming from the "old" lung, and that he might want to consider removing that lung and having a transplant on the other side!  He and I gave each other the LOOK, and quickly vetoed that suggestion.

I honestly do not believe that Lee could survive another transplant.  I must be honest in saying that I would have preferred that he had been given a double-lung-transplant in the beginning.  We did not have any control over that decision.  He was never given an option as to one lung or two.  As explained to us prior to the transplant:  After the age of 70, one lung is your only option in pulmonary fibrosis.  Lee had only turned 70 less than a month prior to the transplant.

So..............other than this nagging cough on both our parts, we are doing fine.  Lee's cough is such that he does NOT cough at night.....I DO..........His cough is unpredictable and only two or three times a day.  Mine is gradually disappearing, leaving a trace of laryngitis.  We have both tried very hard to prevent the spread of my virus to him.  We both wear masks when in close proximity and I have been wearing a mask for all times in his area and during his food preparation.  I do not mind wearing a mask since I became quite accustomed to it years ago when I worked in the operating room.  After a while, it becomes part of your body!

All in all, we are enjoying watching the changing of the season with the beauty of color.  Everwhere we look we see signs of returning life.  What an inspiration!  We are eagerly anticipating a return to the beach in the near future and spending some time with children and grandchildren.

More Later...................................Brenda

It is O.K.

The other day as I was doing some routine cleaning of the house, I noticed a common occurrance of greasy spots on the floor in the kitchen, breakfast area and the den.  A closer inspection confirmed my suspicion that Lee was the culprit.  The greasy spots were apparent in his areas only.  For example:  around his favorite recliner in the den, around his chair at the breakfast table, some areas of the kitchen and at the entry.

I mentioned this to him and he found the grease on the bottom of his tennis shoes.  He said that he had been working on a piece of equipment in his shop and had probably dropped some of the grease on the floor, stepped in it and tracked it through the house. 

Of course, my first reaction was "how will I remove this grease?", and "I wish Lee would be more careful".  Like I said, this was my initial reaction from which I quickly recovered.  The epiphany that I immediately experienced was profound!  I was suddenly very glad that Lee had left those greasy spots all over those speific areas of the house.....in fact, I loved that it had happened!  All those little spots were reminders that Lee can now work in his little shop behind the house.  They were reminders that he is stronger, that he has not had to have oxygen in almost two years, and that he now has a quality of life that he enjoys.  Those spots of grease were a reminder that God had answered the prayers that I had so fervently lifted up during those long months of his illness and recovery.  The prayer that I would again be able to see him go in and out of the house with no dependency on oxygen, and that he would once again be able to work and enjoy his life.

I looked at Lee as he apologized for the mess.  I hugged him and told him "Thank- you".  His look was quizzical as I smiled, and answered, "It will be a joy to get on my knees to clean this grease!  I will use the time wisely and give thanks along the way.  It is O. K!"

More Later.....................................Brenda

Positive reports from Duke!

Lee and I returned to Duke on March 1st, for his routine testing.  Even though his pulmonary function tests were still decreased, the percentage of decrease was only 1%.  That is the good news....the bad news is that it has held at a 1% decrease for many months.  Unfortunately, that may be an indication of scar tissue in his new lung from all the previous infections he has had and most of all from the round of rejection that he had in August and September of last year.

So...................because of this test, the pulmonary doctors ( and we were fortunate to have the two who are involved with the research in lung rejection), decided that it would be in Lee's best interest to begin a pro-active aggressive therapy of anti-rejection medication to hopefully prevent another round of rejection.  As explained to us, they want to prevent his going into chronic rejection, which is usually irreversible and can be terminal.  His current medication, Myfortic, was again doubled, and he is on an antibiotic three times weekly.  Hopefully this will increases his chances of avoiding another round of rejection and prevent an exposure to infection due to the reduced immunity.

We are glad that he is being treated more aggressively and we are hoping this will lessen the persistant cough that has plagued him for the past six months.  It will take Lee a couple of weeks to adjust to the increase in medication because in the beginning it seems to zap all his energy.  He is aware of this and knows that eventually he will adjust.  In the meantime, we are both aware that his immune system is more compromised and we will have to be more alert to his surroundings to people, and the early Spring with all the pollen surrounding us!

We did receive the good news on Monday that his biopsy was negative!  No rejection, No infection!  He will return to Duke in May for labs and a doctor visit.  No Bronchoscopy this time!  Our plans now are to coincide that visit on Friday, March 11 with our neice, Michelle Sever's graduation with her doctorate degree on Saturday morning.  We will return home and celebrate Mother's Day on Sunday.

All in all, Lee is doing very well.  He now looks more like he did prior to his illness, in that his weight gain is good.  The good news from Duke was an approval for him to have his vegetable garden this year.  He is restricted from using the tractor to plow the garden, but was given the o.k. to plant and harvest as long as he uses his industrial mask.  He was delighted to get the approval and is looking forward to his garden and to working with his bees. 

So now, we are enjoying our lives as they are....some restrictions, but so much better each day.  We are grateful for every moment we have with our families and friends and for the ability to use our time wisely.  Our family continues to grow............we are blessed!

More Later.....................................Brenda